Saturday, October 27, 2007

A Hospital Habit


So there we were, standing at the altar – fresh faced, innocent (well almost!), having just promised to love and to cherish… in sickness and in health. And there they were, the traitors (aka family members and friends) smiling patronisingly at us, knowing what kind of a ride we had let ourselves in for….. and not letting on.

Had I know then what I know now, would I have sprinted down that aisle as fast as I could in my many, many petticoats (it was the 80s you know!) and vowed to remain childless, husbandless and stress-free for the rest of my allotted time on the planet? Oh no! But my goodness I would have taken out better hospital cover!

Had I known that in our efforts to, and as a result of, our “going forth and multiplying” (which we embarked on with such inexplicable urgency!), I would land up in hospital TEN times, that I would have 2 epidurals and 7 general anaesthetics, that I would end up greeting the local gynaecologists like old chums each time I had to sit across the desk (or worse!) from one or other of them; would I have been a little more hesitant about embarking on our efforts at procreation? Nope, probably not! But I sure would have saved a lot more money and got a better support system in place first!

If I had known that I would spend a fair amount of time in the weeks leading up to my first babe’s birth flat on my back in and out of hospital, if I had known that a group of medical students would ogle at my nether regions in bemusement (and that at that stage I would be beyond the point of caring), if I had known that I would be instructed to use a bed pan instead of walking to the loo…for a week, if I had know that the sight of me would cause a grown man to faint, if I had known that my babe would be a tiny little shrimp of a thing, unable to breathe properly or to suck, if I had known that at the age of 3 this girl would need plastic surgery, having got her toes stuck in an escalator, would I still have decided I wanted this baby? For sure! But I would have prepared myself a lot better for the experience!

Had I known that, in a typically attention-seeking, male kind of way, Grant would cut off a piece of his thumb, shoot his knuckle to pieces with his own gun (yes he shot himself, I couldn’t make stuff like this up!) have operations on both his wrists (at once), break his leg in about a million places (while we were moving house), suffer a deep vein thrombosis and end up in ICU – all before the age of 40; would I still have been so keen to marry this fit looking piece of male flesh standing before me at the altar? Oh yes! But boy would I have upped his life insurance from day one! ;-)

Had I known that little Miss Paula, having arrived in this world in a robust and healthy state, albeit with the cord wrapped round her neck (some heart-stopping moments there kid!) would spend the next 2 years projectile vomiting (EEeeeeuw!), then move on to croup, to allergies, to asthma and require numerous midnight flits to hospital; would I still have been so determined in my efforts to have this second child? You betcha! But believe me I would have slept and slept and slept some more before she was born.

Do I sometimes wonder what it is about my family that makes us so disaster prone and apt to land up in hospital? Frequently! I've come to the conclusion that we have a Hospital Habit.
For more musings on Hospitals visit Sunday Scribblings

Photo by: Daquella Manera

13 comments:

Redness said...

Ohhh Gill, fabulous writing ... whether to laugh, cry or send you a medal is the question ... brilliant!

paisley said...

you should make this into a country western song... wonderfully written all the elements!!!!!

Robin said...

That is a great piece - you have certainly brought out the humor it what must have been some very difficult and frightening situations.

arboleda said...

that is interesting story!

Linda said...

What a terrific read! I sat here with many laughs and oh mys!!

tumblewords said...

Oh, my! I love your writing...this piece is priceless...hospital habit is something we'd all hope to read about but avoid!

Lucy said...

hahaha!! this was SO entertaining and SOOO true. If only Gill! great writing :))

gautami tripathy said...

Now I like that! Hospital Habit..

A great post...

Jo said...

Yep, great writing, I think you do need a medal!

Fifi said...

Gill, you speak absolute truth in such a humourous way!
Great post!

Patois said...

That sounds like a very hard habit to break. Well, unless one of you are breaking a leg (or two) again.

Stacy said...

Oh my.

Sounds like you should have your own coffee cup at the local hospital!

sm

Linda said...

A weary but wiser answer to the question "if I'd known then what I know now..."

So many things we might have done differently, but so many lessons we wouldn't have learned in the process!

Great blog! I'll be back!

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