Friday, May 09, 2008

Tough times

I haven't been blogging much this week as we have been dealing with a very difficult family situation. I have been loathe to blog about this issue for a couple of reasons, one being that I don't feel comfortable blogging about other people's personal lives and the other being that in some ways my blog is an escape for me and I don't particularly want to bring the issues that stress me into this comfortable space. But if this blog is in any way going to be a true reflection of my life and who I am, I think it is time I blogged briefly about something which has affected me quite deeply this week.


My mom was admitted to ICU on Wednesday with dangerously low blood sugar and potassium levels, weighing roughly 32kgs. This didn't come as a shock as she has some deep-seated problems, mostly stemming from alcohol abuse, and has been on a downward spiral for years now, but things have been really falling apart for the last couple of months. She generally refuses to acknowledge or speak about her condition and will not consider any medical help at all. We only succeeded in getting her to hospital on Wednesday by way of the fact that she was unconcious at the time. Finally she is in hospital where at least some of her issues can be addressed.


For the time being she is out of immediate danger and there is now talk of her being tube fed. They are doing various tests on her, which is a huge relief to me, as these tests are long, long over-due. But I have to wonder in the long run if any of this will help.


I can't begin to describe how hard the last few years with my mom have been on us. She is an amazing, if difficult, person. She is so good at so much; she can sew beautifully, she is a brilliant cook, she knits, she plays piano and has the most beautiful singing voice, she drives better than any man I have ever met, she could name every bird she laid eyes on and could organise the most amazing parties, she had a keen interest in politics and for years campaigned for the political party she supported, she was good at her job and loved it; she had so much going for her and then she simply decided to give up on life. I think what did it to her was the death of my brother. And since then she has been slowly but surely committing suicide, right before our eyes. No matter how much we beg, plead and appeal to her, she doesn't want to get help or help herself. My emotions are on a perpetual roller-coaster - I get so angry with her, I feel so sorry for her, I get so angry with me for being angry with her.......

So that is what we are dealing with right now. I am just hoping that we will reach a turning point sometime soon.


7 comments:

Fee said...

Gill.... I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be terribly hard for all who love her. You so desperately want to see her whole and she seems to be wanting to give up on life. I will be praying for you and her.

Marsha said...

Gosh Gill... Fee said it all so well. I will only add that I too will be praying for you and your mother.

Please know that you are not alone.

baby~amore' said...

I am so sorry to hear your Mother is so unwell.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Just Jen said...

It's good to vent...I share personal stuff on my blog all the time. It's who I am and feels better to talk about things, even to strangers. I'm sorry to hear about your mom and I hope you see a turning point

Jeanne said...

Oh Gill, how terrible for you and your family! As you say, it's good that she is finally getting medical help, but the hard part will be changing your mom to make the changes in her life that she needs to. You will be in my thoughts - sterkte & vasbyt.

Tamara said...

Oh Gil, my heart aches for you. That must be the hardest thing to deal with - one always wants one's mom to be the strong one, and to see her like this must be crushing. But as you say, she's getting help now. You will all be in my prayers for strength and healing, both physically and emotionally.

Kitty Cat said...

You articulated the feelings so well - anger, pity, love, sadness and anger at oneself!

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