Saturday, June 21, 2008

Happy Endings

When I think back to my wedding day and realise how hopelessly naive I was, I am horrified. Somehow in my romantic little mind, the wedding ceremony was some sort of metaphorical door to "happily ever after". I really don't understand why I felt like this, after all, neither of my parents were ever any good at matrimonial bliss. So exactly what I based my firm belief in love and marriage and "happily ever after" on, I truly don't know. But there I was, all young and silly, determined to show the world that true love does exist beyond the confines of a cinema.

Fast forward just over 10 months: happily ever after is not looking so very rosy anymore! Grant has on one notable occasion come home from a work function a tad more than tiddly....shock, horror ;-) I have realised that having to cook a meal every night, after a long day on my feet at work, is not much fun at all; particularly when the sight of red meat turns my stomach! I am pregnant and to say things are not going well, would be something of an understatement. We also just happen to be as poor as a couple of scrawny church mice. Read between the lines...... no fancy meals in romantic restaurants, gazing into one another's eyes. Oh dear!

The truth of the matter is that love, marriage and my "happy ending" turned out nothing like I expected. Life threw some very unexpected curve balls at Grant and I, we have never been particularly well off financially, we have dealt with a premature baby, job loss, infertility, two traumatic ectopic precnancies, the loss of my brother and for nearly 3 years we actually lived on separate continents. Things like this put strain on a marriage. We have not lived happily ever after, truly, we haven't.

But out of all of this we have crafted a life for ourselves that we feel comfortable with. It has taken many years and at times I have felt sadly disillusioned, but I am not that naive little girl anymore, I have matured and with that has come the understanding that we are the authors of our own happy endings.

Life is not all roses and bliss. Life frequently sucks, to be frank. What matters is how we deal with the bad times. Do we allow them to shape us into something better than what we were before, or do we crumple under the pressure and stay down. Believe me there have been times when I have stayed down for a while! But eventually I have pulled myself up from rock bottom and determinedly carried on. The bottom line is I am striving to make my life something good. I am seeking out happiness every single day. Who cares about the ending, I'm not looking for a happy ending! I want to be happy today and tomorrow and for the forseeable future and only I have the power to make that happen.


13 comments:

keiths ramblings said...

Well said Gill. The more you have to endure, the more you appreciate the good things that happen, however infrequently!

Thanks for dropping by,

Tammy said...

Gill! I am tearing up at the reminder that we choose how our marriage will go. I'm in a hole and this post has given me a lift. I loved "I want to be happy today."

Lucy said...

Gill this was so moving and I felt I could have written so much of it too. That first paragraph for instance.. I was so naive too and What DID i think? Exactly the same thing! Life for us has ALSO been one problem after another, but finding those happy moments in between are the happy endings of each day.
I can't express how much this touched me.
thanks so much xox

Tamara said...

That's what marriages are founded on - struggling forward together, one day at a time. And despite your many troubles, you have two beautiful daughters to show for it, so you must've done something right.

A very moving post. Your honesty is something I love.

nonizamboni said...

Thanks for visiting me, Gill, especially because then I had the opportunity to read this wonderful post! "we are the authors of our own happy endings" is so true. And I can appreciate how your happiness has been forged by a series of not-so-happy. Very encouraging and well written. Thanks so much!

danni said...

very candid and touching post - in our life my hero and i always pulled closer together when we endured the lousy - and there has been lots of it!!! - and it seemed to strengthen our resolve to find moments of gratitude that translated to little happy endings all the way along --- very hard work somedays!!!

melanie said...

The only happily ever afters that I know of are in fairy tales. It doesn't happen in real life. Although we can try our best to make it as happy as possible.

Jon said...

I remember having a keyring once and engraved on it were word I'll never forget.
Love is blind, but marriage soon returns your sight.

The Jackson Files said...

This is such a lovely post.

CHEFDRUCK said...

Gill,
This was such a great post. I love your conclusion that only you have the power to make your own happy ending. Very inspirational. Thanks for commenting on mine!

nikita said...

Great Post! nice blog too!

Maisie said...

You're absolutely right. We have the power to make things happen - to move toward happiness. It's very easy to get caught up in the reasons why we can't do something and to fall into the role of the victim. That is something that I'm experiencing right now. I blame someone else for putting obstacles in my way. But, I have to stop doing that and get myself through those obstacles. A very motivating post.

that girl said...

Oh, this is so good. I've only been in for 3 yrs so far, but I can absolutely see what you're describing here. I don't hope anymore that we'll win the lottery and live a luxurious life of leisure.. I hope that our babies grow up healthy, we can pay the rent and stay together.

Tracee Sioux had a very good post about the what she calls The Sorority of MotherHood Hazing (blogfabulous.com) where she talks about the unrealistic expectations of brides. Very interesting.

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