Thursday, July 03, 2008

Dogs and Cats

As you may know, a little cat called "Zip" has recently joined our family. The result is that we are all on a Zip-induced, steep learning curve. We are were very much a doggie household, but Zip definitely has other plans for us and is occupied with reforming us, dogs included!

In light of the above, I found this the other day (can't remember where!) and thought it was very cute.

Dogs and Cats
Author Unknown

There should never be any doubt as to which is the superior species . . .

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...


Ann said...

Thanks so much for the Dogs & Cats diaries. I grew up with dogs, and now have three cats, so it all rings very true!

Just Jen said...

well welcome Zip to the family! What a good name by the way :D
we just welcomed Jet-a kitten-to ours this last month. We decided we are cat people after all and its alright to like dogs and cats!! LOL

baby~amore' said...

OM gosh that was funny and I can imagine my cat writing that.
Brillaint Gill.

Fifi said...

Hilarious..... I'm a cat girl who relates to ALL of that cat stuff!! hehe
Thanks for the laugh!

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