Saturday, November 22, 2008

I wish I could cry

At 7pm last night my mom passed away. She died at home, peacefully.

Although she had been on a downward spiral for some time now, her death was still quite unexpected really. She had only been sick in bed for one day. We are thankful that, at the end, my Dad, Grant, Rox, Eunice and I were there. At the moment my head is buzzing with all sorts of things and my emotions are all over the place.

I wish I could cry, I wish I could sit down and sob out all of the frustrations and pain of the last couple of years. Unfortunately I think that grieving demands a certain purity of emotion. Maybe with time, when I have worked through all my conflicting emotions, I will come to a point where I can truly grieve and feel some release. It's just going to take a little time.

21 comments:

Terri said...

Gill, I'm so sorry to read this news of your mom's passing. I think you're right on track with the emotions, and yes, it does take time. And it all happens in its own time. Just remember to take extra special care of yourself right now.

Blessings to you and your family.
Terri

Marsha said...

Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Grieving is a life long process.

I will be praying for you and your family Gill. I am glad that you were able to be with her.

Caz said...

Oh Gill, I am so so sorry. Your family is on my heart! Thinking of you!

allie said...

There are really no words, Gill.

The loss of a Mom is an awful blow at any age -
I have experienced the Lord's gentle "carrying through" ability in that situation: and I am sure you will too.

I will be praying for that along with your other blogging buddies

Linda said...

I'm terribly sorry to hear of your loss. The tears will come.

Blessings and prayers to you and your family.

Lucy said...

oh Gill. I am so so sorry. please take good care of yourself, don't hesitate to 'lean' on those you love that surround you.
sending warmest hugs and many prayers to you and your family. xoxo hang in there.

Simply-Mel said...

Oh Gill! I dont know what to say. Its my worst nightmare.

Be kind to yourself and grieve the way you need to. Not everyone experiences grief the same way. I am so sorry; our thoughts and prayers with you.

Shayne said...

Gill, i don't even know you but my heart is aching for you. I'm so sorry. Take the time you need to grieve and to go through all those emotions that ulitmately have to come out. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lisa said...

Gill - I was so saddened by the news of your mom's passing. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope the memories of your mom will help you thru this difficult time. I'm sending hugs to you.

Sanni said...

I am so so sorry, Gill!
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers...

(((HUGS)))

Lucy said...

needed to comeback over today to give you more hugs... and a hot cup of your favorite tea. and Lot's and lot's of cookies. xoxoxo

Regina said...

Oh Gill...
I am so sorry to have to read this. My condolences to you and your family at this most tumultuous time.
I pray that God gives you strength and peace and all that you need to make it through these deep waters.

~TAMY 3 Sides of Crazy~ said...

My prayers are with you. It is so hard to lose a parent. I know when my dad died I didn't let go until after all the arrangements were made and he the funeral was over. God gave me the strength to do what I must before the time to grieve.

The Jackson Files said...

I'm so sorry Gill, it's terrible to lose someone you love. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kitty Cat said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I only read this post now, but my thoughts and prayers are with you. I've never lost a parent, yet, so I have no idea what that feels like, but sending you love in blogland.

Ordinarylife said...

(((HUGS)))))

Jeanne said...

Oh Gill, I am so very sorry to hear that. My mom passed away 5 years and one month and 6 days ago and it still hurts. I also could not cry at first - I think I was too numb and too shocked and too angry. When I sat down in the doctor's surgery the next morning to ask to be booked off work so I could go home to SA, and had to verbalise "my mom passed away last night" - that's when the first tears came. But then not again until the funeral, when me dad stood sobbing by my side.

Now, it comes and goes. I wish you strength for this journey. At least you can, as you say, take some comfort that it was not a long and terrible illness, but that seems such a small comfort at a time like this.

If you want to talk off-blog, I am more than happy to chat - pleae just drop me a line if you want. Vasbyt.

Trish said...

I am so sorry Gill (hugs). I don't know what else to say but can I pray ..

Dear Lord, Please give Gill “peace” at this time. Cover her in your hedge of protection and let grieve and release the conflicting emotions that follow the loss of a loved one.

Fill her with your strength so that she may get through each day, knowing You are there with her every step of the way. I pray for her comfort in knowing You are in control. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your mom. Can I donate to something that would be appropriate and give any meaning to your loss?

Gill said...

Thanks so very much to all who left such warm messages of support. We are asking for donations to any SPCA/RSPCA etc in lieu of flowers

angel said...

oh gill, oh gill, i am so sorry for your loss.

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