Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It’s the season to be sexy!

I hate snakes. I don't just hate them, I really hate them. I’ve always found them creepy and awful, but last Autumn I had a close encounter with a snake that has left me freaking out at the mere sight of them. It’s a standing joke in our family that every snake I see is either a green mamba (they’re the green ones, duh!) or a black mamba (they’re the ones that are any colour other than green!)

Last Autumn the girls and I were faffing around in the garden, moving rocks from one spot to another, when suddenly I realised that the rock I was about to pick up was in fact a snake's “waist”. At this point I was very brave, I totally freaked out and flipped my lid and very nearly wet my pants.

Simon came charging around the corner to see what was going on and, after he had got over his alarm at my rather disturbing display of braveness, he too began to freak out. Once he had calmed down somewhat, he positively identified the snake as a Black Mamba. I don’t know how much Simon knows about snakes, but in this case I think he was 100% spot on. And anyway, even if it wasn’t a black mamba, I know for a fact it was a Very Deadly Snake. I know this because of the magnitude of my reaction to it (puhleez, I would never carry on like that over some common little house snake or something!) and because it had evil eyes and a very sticky-outie tongue.

By the end of the afternoon the Very Deadly Snake was a Very Dead Snake. Before all the snake lovers out there come and flame me, let me just add that my intention was never to stone the beast (yeah, right!), but unfortunately by the time I had finished explaining to Simon that we should phone the very nice man from the snake park to come and relocate said snakey, Simon had finished beating the snakes brains out with a rock. And a spade. And a big stick. Oops, sorry snakey…

So after that incident my “ funny little snake phobia” became a full-blown Snake Phobia of astounding proportions. (It’s very sad, and a little ironic, that a person that feels this way about these cold-hearted, evil-eyed reptiles should live in what is without a doubt the most densely populated snake kingdom known to man. I think nearly every snake in the whole of South Africa inhabits my back yard.)

So you can imagine how chuffed I was to idly look out of Rox’s bedroom window yesterday to see not one but TWO large “green mambas” and they weren’t just lying about taking in some sun…, they were MATING. Good grief!!! It was quite, quite bizarre – they were all wound up in each other giving me a defiant look as if to say “so what you going to do about it lady??” Sis man!! (If you are *that way inclined* nudge, nudge, wink, wink and want to see some snakey action yourself pop over to this link - seriously though, it's quite fascinating!)

What is up with the animals in my neighbourhood? First I have copulating flying ants on my floors and now mating flipping mambas on my window sills!!

I tell you Africa is becoming way to WILD for me!!


Kitty Cat said...

I'm also not mad about snakes, but cockroaches are my phobia.

The Jackson Files said...

Bwahahaha. This is a very funny post, Gill.

I love snakes, so was real pleased when I had Jackson because I can buy him a little corn snake when he is older. Well I can PRETEND it is for him, but actually it'll be for ME.

I'm not sure I'd love to see two DEADLY mambas mating in my back garden though!

Ordinarylife said...

I have the shivers just thinking about it!

My fear of snakes ranks up there somewhere with my absolute paranoia of monkeys of any variety!

Simply-Mel said...

The old good snake is a Dead Snake.

Shite, I would have my house on the market by now if I was you!

Bizarrely, even though I have lived most my life on either the West Coast (Saldanha) or Southern burbs (Noordhoek) I have never actually seen a live snake.

Clearly there is a God.

Tamara said...

Heeeheehee! They do it on purpose, Gill ;-)

Rambler said...

okay, this story freaked me out


Simone said...

My mom has planted snake plant - don't know the scientific name and seems to work.

we had a lemon tree that snakes seemed to love

My older sister no matter where she moved encountered snakes - once she even had one that escaped from a protected environment - an Egyptian Cobra - it was in her house for 2 days before they found it again!!!!

Caz said...

hey gill! sounds scary!!

gel said...

Hi Gill!,
What a funny post and written well! I'm here from Lulu Petals' blog. I enjoyed the "mounting" *wink* excitement way before the actual climax. (I feel like I found a new set of blogs that I enjoy. Been to Giggles {where I found my blog friend Tinker} and to Lucy's. Now found you. Delightful blog. I'm going to make the rounds of you gals' blogs when I can.

Looking around here- it looks very interesting. :)

Elinor Dashwood said...

Oh my goodness, you brought back SO MANY memories of my time living in South Africa!! I was nearly bitten by a puff adder twice while there, and I saw several green mambas. They totally creep me out! The first week in SA I kept a bug many bugs we had in our Rondaval during that week. We found several cock roaches, a ton of gekkos and of course a snake. How gross!!! I also loved reading "Sis man!!" I haven't heard anyone else say that phrase since being there in SA either...they don't say it here in the USA. I do though.

Well, I hope your home (inside and out) is snake-free for a long time!!

Have a great day!

Carmi said...

Please excuse me while I work the shudders out of my spine.

There. I'm good.

This is one of the reasons why I like living where I do: we've got a fairly low prevalence of exotic, freaky-scary animals. I don't think I'd be anywhere near as coherent as you were. Or funny! How do you DO that?

Lucy said...

omg omg omg.. come live in NY with me Gill.! shuddderrrrrrrr

Jeanne said...

ONe of the few things that I have nightmares abotu is snakes - uwually puff adders as that's what we used to find in the garden as kids. Shudder. Having mambas around would freak me out completely!

angel said...

heh heh, i think we need to swap houses- i love snakes!

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