Saturday, February 14, 2009

When Insults Had Class

I received this in an email and thought it was brilliant!

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

6 comments:

allie said...

I absolutely adore this kind of wit!

We are so the poorer for its demise.

Thanks for collecting it and sharing it.
I intend to file it somewhere easily accesable just so I can look at it often.

This is definitely a "Great Post" award winner!

Please upload it and display it on your sidebar with the title and date of of this post.

You are the very first winner of this award
:-)
YAY!

allie said...

Hey Gill - I wanted to email you this info but I couldn't find an address on your sidebar.

Anyway, here's the thing: with the Great Post award you don't have to pass it on.
The idea is that anyone can use it but it just is on the basis of:
"WOW this post is AMAZING!"

There is no: "I received it so now I have to give it to someone else" vibe.
Ok?

Even if no one gets it for a month, it doesn't matter.
Or if it given 20 times in a week, that doesn't matter either - its just a 'merit' thing (albeit subjectvely so :-))

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

great for a giggle Gill - loved these insults.

Tamara said...

Ernest Hemingway in response to William Faulkner: "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

Ordinarylife said...

funny!

Jeanne said...

Wonderful!! I must rememebr and use some of those :)

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