Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Who wants to house sit?

I love my parents in law for many reasons, the chief of them being the fact that every time we go away on holiday I hand them the following notes, and they still manage to smile and wave as we drive away. If anyone handed me something like this I would shriek, turn tail and run!!!

NOTES FOR MOM AND DAD:

REMOTES – the white button is gate, green button is garage, red button is a panic button and the blue one is to put the burglar alarm off.

BURGLAR ALARM – If the alarm goes off it can be de-activated by pressing the XXXX button on the gate remote. The password for the alarm (if ADT Security phones they may ask you for it) is XXXXX. The phone number for ADT Security is xxx xxx xxxx

EUNICE – Eunice will be at the house from about 8am until about 4 or 5pm on Tuesdays and Fridays. She has her own remote and will let herself in. She knows exactly what to do and can be left to it.

VIVIENNE – is the gardening lady, Eunice is in charge of her and will pay her and feed her. Eunice does the hiring and firing of the garden people, so don’t be alarmed if a new gardener suddenly appears, it happens quite often.

CHLOE AND NALA – they get fed and watered every morning. The dog food is in the blue bin near the washing machine. They get a bowl of the dry crumbles each, in the silver dishes. Please keep the dishes far apart or Chloe won’t let Nala eat. The water goes in the big blue bowl.

LILO – Lilo lives on the verandah by the lounge and is fed and watered there, her feeding regime is the same as Chloe and Nala. Don’t worry if Lilo and Chloe have a go at each other every now and then, they have a personality clash happening, we are leaving them to work it out. She is inclined to bark at night, but if you yell at her she usually stops. She is also inclined to walk outside when you open the gate to go out. Just keep an eye on her and shout at her and she will wander back inside. I always wait to make sure the gate closes with her inside before I drive off, just in case.

JACKIE – Jackie gets fed inside by the garage door. She gets fed at the same time as the cats and has a small handful of her crumbles (on the floor near the broom cupboard) mixed with Husky morning and evening - (don’t worry if she doesn’t eat, sometimes she just doesn’t and she hasn’t died yet!) Jackie needs to be taken out first thing in the morning, out the kitchen side, you have to stand and watch her for some unknown reason.

ZIP – He gets fed morning and night – a handful of his crumbles (large ones in Tupperware on dishwasher) and in a separate dish ½ a sachet of his cat food (in fridge on right, more in big cupboard) He does not get water because he refuses to drink it, he drinks out of the dirty mugs that are in the sink – I know this is bizarre, but it’s how he likes it!

PEPSI – Pepsi eats on top of the hot tray. She eats morning and night and she has a dish of her crumbles (small ones on top of dishwasher) and a dish of her tinned food – about 2 dessertspoons. She has fresh water, but also likes a little dish with half milk, half water once a day, if she starts squeaking a lot that is what she is asking for. Please don’t be alarmed if Pepsi and Zip look like they are killing each other when they play, Zip sometimes gets Pepsi in a grip and it can look quite scary, but Pepsi goes back for more every time.

TRIP SWITCHES – there are two trip boards, one in the cupboards above the fridges and one in the garage, in the corner that backs onto the kitchen. Often if there is rain, the pool filter can make the lights trip – the switch for that is on the garage trip board. If this happens, just leave that switch (the far right one) down and it should then be okay. If you have a problem you can usually phone Grant and he can talk you through it but this time he won’t be much use will he?? (he has to talk me through it frequently!)

THE WATER FILTER needs to be topped up every now and then, just take the lid off the top and pour a jug or two of water in.

POOL PROUD – They come on a Friday afternoon between 4:30 and 5 usually. Just let them in, they will sort the pool out and then hoot when they need to be let out. Sometimes they come twice a week.

RUBBISH DAY – is on Tuesday and Eunice will take the rubbish out.

LOCKING UP AT NIGHT – We lock the doors but don’t faff too much about the windows. Zip likes to go in and out of the various windows during the night. If Jackie goes out before bedtime (you have to go with her and it takes a while!), she is usually okay until morning, but she does sometimes poop in the garage…unfortunately. The keys for the door in the lounge live inside the xxxxxxxxx.

WASHING MACHINE – put the clothes in, push the red button, then the green one – it will do it’s thing, then when the water starts running in you put the Woolies washing liquid (there are two lines on the cap, I fill to the second line) into the dispenser (it works better if you pour it in the powder side for some reason!) no need for fabric softener, close the lid and then push the “rinse” and “spin” buttons at the same time (to stop the cat from messing with the buttons, this is an important step!)

DISH WASHER – load the dishes (the blue plates go in the top, white big plates don’t fit in at all and have to be handwashed, damn!) put the powder into the dispenser which is on the inside of the door, twist knob to No.1 and push on off button. It is normal for the dishwasher to make some very weird noises and it has taken to tripping the lights – I get a sense that my Christmas present is going to be a new dishwasher!

OVEN – the oven is now working perfectly, yay, at last!! I usually give it about ½ hour to warm up.

WATER the stop cock thingy is in the bottom right of our property if you are standing in the driveway with the pool behind you. If by some twist of fate there is a burst pipe (Please, NO!) then the person to phone is Keith Langton Plumbing xxx xxx xxxx

EMERGENCY NUMBERS – all the relevant numbers are on a piece of paper stuck on the side of the computer.

PETE AND GERDA – They said if there is anything at all that you need (sick dogs needing the vet – Pete has a bakkie…. Any dramas… whatever) please give them a ring. There numbers are: Home: xxx xxx xxxx, Gerda: xxx xxxx xxxx and Pete: xxx xxx xxxx

CEILING FAN – I seriously hope you won’t be needing to use the ceiling fan in the lounge. I have tried hard to learn how to use it and from what I can gather, you have to turn it on at the wall and then take the remote and stand under the fan, point the remote at it press some buttons, swear, bang it against your thigh, press some buttons, swear…… I have asked the family numerous times if there isn’t a simpler way and they assure me that this is the only way!!! So I don’t use it.

BUSTER – There is sometimes a big commotion in the bottom corner of our garden – that means that Buster is walking on the wall or has jumped into our yard. He’s a skinny little brown dog that lives in the house at the bottom of our garden. We just ignore him and he usually goes home.

MONKEYS – “Blue Balls” is being starved out of his troop by a new young fellow and has taken to coming into the kitchen and stealing fruit and bread. That is why the fruit bowl now lives in the cupboard. He is a nuisance, but I haven’t quite figured out how to stop him. The windows need to stay open for the cats and he can climb through the windows. What to do??

8 comments:

Simply-Mel said...

o m i w o r d.

Joanne said...

This is hysterical. I like you would turn tail and run.

Ness @ Drovers Run said...

Have you seen Night At the Museum? It doesn't have a patch on 'Week at Gills' :)

Caz said...

CRIKEY!!!

My list is something like:
Please feed the dogs!

haha WOW your inlaws must be SUPER dedicated!!!!

allie said...

Sheeeeesh!!

Tamara said...

Great handover notes. I'd house-sit for you any day!

Anonymous said...

At my age I need all the reminding I can get. Thanks, Gill for taking the time to do it and trusting in us. Mom in law

Jeanne said...

Now those are the kind of handover notes I would write!!! Had to laugh - my dad's gate woudl also trip the electricity board when it rained, and if you weren't home you ran the risk of a) being locked out of the electric gate and b) the freezer defrosting and all the meat going off. Joy!

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