Saturday, July 30, 2011

Ooh la la... it's fun in my house!

So both my daughters left yesterday to visit their darlings for the weekend.  Ooh la la!  Grant and I are home alone!  The plan was .... a little dinner a deux, a little romance, a little relaxation....

Let me tell you how it went down:

We arrived at our chosen restaurant, only to be told that the only table they had for us was right in the passage, next to the ticket office for the movies...... uh, not what we had in mind...  So we headed off to our second choice of restaurant.  Much better, nice table, nice waiter, good food and sangria.....  Dinner was lovely, conversation was good.... well until Grant ran into a cycling buddy, but hey, it's Grant we're talking about, so I was happy to let that one go...  Finally we headed home.

At which point Grant let Paula's reprobate dog Lilo inside, who proceeded to trail about a kilogram of mud right through the centre of my house and onto my new, white rug.  I was a leeetle bit irate, to put it mildly.  I then decided to have a small fight with Grant, because he clearly doesn't like Lilo and this irks me (the logic of this escapes me right now, but it seemed very valid and very important last night) so I went to bed in something of a huff.

My Jackie dog was in her normal spot, outside the duvet, on top of my feet.  Jackie then got cold and climbed inside the duvet and burrowed down to my feet.  Jackie then got hot and burrowed out of the duvet and onto my pillow, next to my face.  Jackie felt the need to pant.  Jackie felt cold and burrowed down the duvet to my feet.  Jackie then got hot and burrowed out of the duvet and onto my pillow, next to my face. Jackie felt the need to pant. Jackie felt cold and burrowed down the duvet to my feet.  Jackie then got hot and burrowed out of the duvet and onto my pillow, next to my face. Jackie felt the need to pant. Jackie felt cold and burrowed down the duvet to my feet. Jackie then got hot and burrowed out of the duvet and onto my pillow, next to my face. Jackie felt the need to pant. Jackie felt cold and burrowed down the duvet to my feet..... OMG, you have GOT to be kidding me.......

Enter Roxy's reprobate cat Pepsi.  And a small bird.  Pepsi takes said small bird into my en suite bathroom and proceeds to pluck every single feather from its dear, sweet little body and strew them ALL OVER my bathroom.  Jackie finds this fascinating and momentarily stops burrowing IN and OUT of my duvet to walk into the bathroom to watch the dismemberment of the innocent, sweet little bird.  Pepsi objects to Jackie's presence and hisses and spits which draws the attention of Roxy's OTHER reprobate cat Zip who comes to see what the HELL is going on.

Jackie returns to the bed and although she quite ably jumped onto the bed TWICE before my very eyes earlier in the evening, is now completely unable to jump and scratches my arm until I get out of bed onto the COLD floor and lift her up onto the bed.  She then resumes  burrowing IN and OUT of my duvet....

Pepsi decideds to sleep with ME tonight.  Pepsi settles on top of the duvet, between my legs, effectively pinning me down.  Everytime Jackie burrows IN and OUT of my duvet, she disturbs Pepsi who finds it oddly comforting and begins PURRING loudly....

I finally fall into a comatose-like sleep....

Wake-up time.  Instead of lying in bed with a cup of coffee and my book as planned, I begin my morning by sweeping a million teeny-tiny little feathers into a large and unwieldy whirl-wind all over my bathroom.  It takes a LOT of time to catch all the effing, irritating dear, sweet little feathers.

I then head to the garage to fetch the mop to begin mopping Lilo's muddy foot-prints.  I step into a dog poop that Jackie has left in the garage.  I curse.  I bellow for Grant to bring me some paper towel while hopping about on one foot, trying to dodge the OTHER dog poop that Jackie left for me.  I find I am not very co-ordinated first thing in the morning.

As Grant, bearing paper towel, walks past Zip, who is on the dishwasher begging for breakfast, Zip vomits.

My happiness is complete.

4 comments:

Jenny in Durbs said...

I am so sorry but I am still chuckling about this post - probably because I can sooo relate to a household of craziness. BTW enjoyed your Europe tour blog as well.

Gill said...

So glad you enjoyed the Europe blog Jenny, it's always nice to get feedback :-) I am also VERY relieved that there is another soul out there who can relate to our kind of craziness ;-)

Anonymous said...

What would we do without your Blog? So I guess S-X was out of the question that night?

Tamara said...

OMW... killing myself laughing!

Only because I feel your pain... renovations and two freaked our cats confined to one room with me all day.

As you so brilliantly put it, "My happiness is complete."

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