Train of thought

Having lived with myself for a number of years, 44 to be precise, I have come to the conclusion that I definitely have something going on in my brain, I just haven't come up with a name for it as yet.  It's definitely a disorder of some kind.... 

It's not that I can't concentrate, on the contrary, I sometimes seem to "super-concentrate" - get me focused on my book or my computer and everything else seems to fade completely into the back-ground; to the point where my family will talk to me, and either they get no response at all, or I respond in a vague manner and later on have no recollection whatsoever of them having spoken to me at all.  It drives them completely mad.  Paula has reached the point where she now goes: "Mom, mom, mom... MOM!  GILLIAN!!"  That normally registers on my otherwise-occupied cerebellum! 

But that's not the real problem, the real problem is two-fold: one - I cannot multi-tast at all (I'm a disgrace to the female gender!) and two - I cannot cope with stress, the minute I am stressed, be it at work or at home or wherever I go straight into "headless fowl mode".... I get all dithery and shaky, I pick things up, put things down, have no clue what to do next, run around aimlessly.... you get the picture.  This kind of scenario has often led me to wonder whether I am borderline ADD.   I recently saw this post on Angel's blog and I did the test.  I scored a 31, which confirms that I am indeed borderline ADD.  Interesting!

And THAT probably also explains my crazily random train of thought.   My train of thought can lead to totally bizarre places.  I'll be thinking about one thing and moments later I find myself thinking about something else altogether and wondering how on earth I arrived at that thought?!  If you're new to this blog you really need to read this post to fully appreciate the weirdness and bizarreness of it!

Which makes me wonder about Paula, because just the other day Paula had a conversation with me that went like this:
"I wish I could have taken History, they study the French Revolution, the World Wars and Apartheid and propaganda and stuff. I'm so glad Gerda has given up smoking."  Huh??

Not fair!

It will no doubt come as a huge shock to you to learn that I have begun an exercise program of late. It comes as a huge shock to me too - especially to those bits of me that are required to actually m-o-v-e during this ridiculous endeavour healthy new past-time.

Now the reason for all this trotting about on the treadmill is not a deep and sudden urge to become fit and live a more healthy lifestyle (bwahahahaha!)..... no, no, no it's purely a Means To An End and that End is that I step on the scale and see a figure there that doesn't result in forehead clutching and silent sobbing.

So, it's been 6 weeks now. You might think that those numbers on the scale would be looking a tad better than they did before all the stomping began. You'd be wrong. No sirrreeee. I have GAINED weight. Put on a whole flipping kg. Can-you-believe-it!

I will be brutally honest here and admit that the exercise regime isn't exactly strenuous, to be perfectly frank, I wouldn't look out of place at a Senior Citizens pilates class. Please, cut me some slack, you are dealing with a food and drink loving, sedentary creature who has never moved a muscle intentionally in 44 years of existence. But, hang it all, I am wilfully and wantfully exercising, people! I am showing committment to movement! That's significant enough to warrant a choir of angels breaking out into a rap version of the Hallelujah Chorus! The least the stupid scale could do is shift downwards by a hundred grams or so.

However, when I was weeping and wailing at the injustice of it all this afternoon Paula told me that "Tomorrow will bring positive change". You can always rely on Paula to dispense Fortune Cookie wisdom at just the right moment. So I am clinging to that thought - tomorrow will bring positive change - let's just hope that the positive change involves some downwards movement on the scale!